self-discovery

How to Get Unstuck

~ The Active Listener, Inc. ~ 10 Comments

By Suzanne Wiggins

Lately, I seem to be at a standstill in my journey to self-discovery and change. Actually, it’s more like I’ve gotten lost or traveled off course. I discussed this with my friend Dawn last week and she asked if the issue could be a fear of success. Holy cow! Could I be exhibiting the behaviors of a successful person while actually being afraid of achieving real success?

As I mulled this idea over, I realized it is much more complicated than it appears on the surface. And I remembered a quote I had found quite some time ago on Pinterest. I wasn’t sure why I pinned it at the time, but its message now seemed clear to me.

Maybe you are searching among the branches, for what only appears in the roots. ~Unknown

Most of us bury beliefs about ourselves deep inside, hidden in those dark recesses we seldom explore. For example, I’ve always hated my middle name. If forced, I’d hesitantly disclose it, but basically I’m a first and last name gal. Not long ago I realized that this aversion I have carried with me my entire life was the result of one insignificant person, the older male cousin of my neighbor Georgietta Stansfield (great name), teasing me one day when I was around six or seven years old. It’s incredulous to me now to see how much power I gave to someone I don’t even know and how I allowed it to impact my self-identity for so many years.

Generally, most of these false ideas are developed or nurtured during childhood. It could be a belief about not being smart because you were told at an impressionable age you were stupid, or you’re unlucky, or clumsy, or too sensitive, or have a big nose, small eyes, or mousey hair. I see now that in the process of personal growth we need to be willing to explore those scary dark places, bring our beliefs to the surface and evaluate each one from an adult perspective. It can be quite the therapeutic experience.

So I asked myself, ‘Have I been sabotaging progress with my most important personal goals because of subconscious beliefs I have been harboring?’ Yikes, I felt like I could be onto something life changing here. As I pondered the question I had three important realizations: 1) I was raised to believe I should not have too high an opinion of myself, 2) I have a deep-rooted fear that if my life is too good or too happy something will surely happen to temper my bliss, and 3) I have not confidently believed that I could be truly happy in all aspects of my life.

These are definitely counter-intuitive beliefs for someone in the middle of a major life shift seeking balance, health and happiness. So I keep thinking, what other notions have I squirreled away that may be hindering my progress? I’m anxious to dig in and see what I may find.

But for now, I am making a commitment to truly believe that anything is possible with effort, that happiness isn’t correlated with despair, that it’s not only OK, but critically essential to have a high opinion of myself, and that old beliefs and past experience only control me to the degree I allow them to. My journey continues.

I’m starting over. -A new pattern of thoughts. -A new wave of emotions. -A new connection to the world. -A new belief system in myself.  ~Unknown

 

Failure and the Process of Change

~ The Active Listener, Inc. ~ 2 Comments

“Just because you fail once, it doesn’t mean you’re going to fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself because if you don’t, then who will? So keep your head high, keep your chin up and most importantly, keep smiling because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.”  ~ Marilyn Monroe

A little more than three years ago, I endeavored to change my life in a significant way. The process continues, but since I made that fateful decision I lost my job, my cat and my heart. I can honestly say, however, that it’s been the best three years of my life.

Each of those not so positive experiences offered opportunities for self-discovery, allowed me to practice new skills I had acquired, and ultimately pointed me in directions I had not considered or would not have known about otherwise. Interestingly, I have realized that many of us set out to make changes in our lives, and yet are unprepared or caught off guard when change actually happens.

Prior to the start of my journey, those who knew me would have described me as a happy person. I was happy, but I was also a severely overweight workaholic whose social circle consisted solely of co-workers who kept the same insane schedule. I loved my work and never felt bothered by the 10 or 12 hour days and weekends I worked. It was familiar and comfortable and I excelled, but it was also an avoidance technique; an acceptable excuse for hiding from life, love and other deep personal connections.

In February 2011 I finally resolved to change my ways and become healthier, create balance in my life and maximize my happiness. I started by figuring out how to eat healthy at the office. A year later I had developed a circle of friends that had no association with my job. Having a social circle motivated me to work less and make time for fun. And most importantly, I finally realized that in order to increase my happiness I had to be willing to make myself my top priority which would ultimately improve all the other areas of my life. The process hasn’t been smooth or easy, but I feel more alive and happier than I have in twenty years. I’m excited by the unlimited possibilities the future holds.

My journey continues and with all things in life I have my ongoing successes and my setbacks. I look forward to moving along in the process and sharing some of my experiences and listening to what you have to share. In concluding this inaugural post, I have noted a few of the nuggets of wisdom I’ve learned so far. I hope there may be something here that resonates with you and I invite you to let me know what you think and to share some nuggets of your own. I’m listening.

  • Putting yourself first without guilt is the most important step, but also the hardest.
  • No one will love you more than you love yourself
  • Allow yourself to be surprised by life
  • Don’t try to control the uncontrollable
  • Learn to feel beautiful
  • Don’t let age define you
  • Address your fears
  • Try something new every day
  • Make time for fun
  • Find beauty in the everyday
  • Live an active life
  • Bless and Release
  • Start by putting your thought/idea out to the Universe while keeping your mind open to the possibilities
  • To be happy is a great decision