Personal Growth

How to Get Unstuck

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By Suzanne Wiggins

Lately, I seem to be at a standstill in my journey to self-discovery and change. Actually, it’s more like I’ve gotten lost or traveled off course. I discussed this with my friend Dawn last week and she asked if the issue could be a fear of success. Holy cow! Could I be exhibiting the behaviors of a successful person while actually being afraid of achieving real success?

As I mulled this idea over, I realized it is much more complicated than it appears on the surface. And I remembered a quote I had found quite some time ago on Pinterest. I wasn’t sure why I pinned it at the time, but its message now seemed clear to me.

Maybe you are searching among the branches, for what only appears in the roots. ~Unknown

Most of us bury beliefs about ourselves deep inside, hidden in those dark recesses we seldom explore. For example, I’ve always hated my middle name. If forced, I’d hesitantly disclose it, but basically I’m a first and last name gal. Not long ago I realized that this aversion I have carried with me my entire life was the result of one insignificant person, the older male cousin of my neighbor Georgietta Stansfield (great name), teasing me one day when I was around six or seven years old. It’s incredulous to me now to see how much power I gave to someone I don’t even know and how I allowed it to impact my self-identity for so many years.

Generally, most of these false ideas are developed or nurtured during childhood. It could be a belief about not being smart because you were told at an impressionable age you were stupid, or you’re unlucky, or clumsy, or too sensitive, or have a big nose, small eyes, or mousey hair. I see now that in the process of personal growth we need to be willing to explore those scary dark places, bring our beliefs to the surface and evaluate each one from an adult perspective. It can be quite the therapeutic experience.

So I asked myself, ‘Have I been sabotaging progress with my most important personal goals because of subconscious beliefs I have been harboring?’ Yikes, I felt like I could be onto something life changing here. As I pondered the question I had three important realizations: 1) I was raised to believe I should not have too high an opinion of myself, 2) I have a deep-rooted fear that if my life is too good or too happy something will surely happen to temper my bliss, and 3) I have not confidently believed that I could be truly happy in all aspects of my life.

These are definitely counter-intuitive beliefs for someone in the middle of a major life shift seeking balance, health and happiness. So I keep thinking, what other notions have I squirreled away that may be hindering my progress? I’m anxious to dig in and see what I may find.

But for now, I am making a commitment to truly believe that anything is possible with effort, that happiness isn’t correlated with despair, that it’s not only OK, but critically essential to have a high opinion of myself, and that old beliefs and past experience only control me to the degree I allow them to. My journey continues.

I’m starting over. -A new pattern of thoughts. -A new wave of emotions. -A new connection to the world. -A new belief system in myself.  ~Unknown

 

Stories My Sister Tells

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I have a great imagination. I owe it to my sister Karen who developed and nurtured it while we were kids. Some of my earliest and fondest memories are of her having me close my eyes while she told wonderful and elaborately descriptive stories that I would imagine in my mind’s eye. We still talk about my favorite stories of the train rides through a tunnel that was speckled with glittering jewels of every kind. The train adventure was different with every telling except that it always made it through that tunnel.

It’s probably not a coincidence that my sister and I both love to write. I can’t say that it’s a direct result of our creative imaginations, but I have a strong suspicion that writing is an outlet for the crazy and wild ideas we dream up in our heads. Until I launched this blog I have rarely shared my writing with others. My sister, however, has been brave enough to put herself out there for quite some time. While working for a hospital physicians’ group long ago, she and her co-workers were encouraged to submit written examples of the organization’s core values in practice. The following was a submission my sister wrote and then shared with me.

While shopping in my local grocery store many years ago I witnessed an act of kindness I have never forgotten, and it changed me as a person.

A slim, tiresome man who looked to be in his late thirties was shopping. He took his time placing two or three items in his cart. As he shopped he would take one item out and replace it with another, being careful to select only the items a few dollars would buy. From his appearance it was clear that he didn’t have much money. His jeans were faded and dirty, and his skin was tanned and aged.

Another shopper took note of the man, watching his actions quite closely. The woman seemed to forget about her own shopping to study the man while slowly following him from aisle to aisle. Then, as the man momentarily stepped away from his cart, the woman quickly placed something in it. As I walked by I could see it was a twenty-dollar bill.

Driving home from the grocery store, I saw the man again. He was on the side of the road hitchhiking. In his left hand was a grocery bag, and in his right was a Coke. I smiled and hoped the twenty dollars had bought the man a little extra food, and perhaps made his day a little brighter.

I will never forget that day or that man. But, what impacted me the most was the woman was my mother.

Do something kind for someone; it will impact more people than you know.

Like you, I was unfamiliar with the story until I read it. Very likely, there may be members of my family that will read this post and hear the story for the first time as well. I hope it resonates with them as much as it did with me.

As a side note, I want to point out that technically I did not write anything about my mother on this blog.